Thirty to me is like one those so-called milestones that really aren’t that big of a deal. Its like "welcome to the middle part of your life, don't complain about it." I feel that 30 is kind of like how I felt about writing all week. Kind of stuck. Like on the verge, but no, not quite there yet. Where ever "there" is.
Not to be negative or anything. Google tells me turning 30 is all about growing up, leveraging your experience and that kissing the carefree twenty somethings goodbye opens you up to worlds of opportunity. 30 is still young enough to make some things happen. I can see all you wise and up in the years readers roll your eyes. I suppose the year or my age really has nothing to do with it. There's something about my disposition that naturally shirks when I consider the future. Maybe its because I have had my fair share of experiences proving how unpredictable life can be. One day at a time is usually good for me.
Perhaps the big 3-0 isn't much of a fuss to me partly because I feel like I accepted the responsibility of adulthood prematurely in life. Having a child the same year you graduate high school will grow you up pretty fast. It kind of dumps a bucket of ice water on your twenty something reality, forcing you to think about big choices and values sooner rather than later. I always tell my now ten year old angel that really we grew up together and we still are. I love her dearly and she has been my best teacher.
So instead of fretting about it like so many tend to do, I think I'll just accept 30 in all its glory and capitalize on what I've learned thus far. Mind you, this isn't all I've learned but just the highlights and things I want to carry over into my next 30 years.
1. The Value of friendship and extended family
In my early years of being married I didn't care much for sustaining my friendships or making new ones. I didn't realize the texture and value they add to your life and how when the mundane-ness and sameness of your lovely little family becomes overwhelming you will need them. And that other people might need me to be the same variety and breath of fresh air in their life. I also wish that I would've realized how hard it is to make friends as a grown up, (like dating all over again!) and to hold on to some of those people that ‘get you’ because they don’t always come quickly or easily.
Then there's your extended family. These are the people who will stick with you no matter where you go in life. Distance is not a factor. These are the mom's who text and call us with frequency just to check in and say I miss you. The dad's who plan amazing vacations and just want to spend time with you. The sisters or brothers who have morphed from the mortal enemies of your teen years to your best friends in adulthood. These are the in laws who bend over backwards to help you. If you are lucky enough to have some of these people in your life like I am, invest in those relationships because the return is invaluable.
2. Realizing that life has no correct order
High school, college, marriage, career, family, mid life crisis, empty nest, retirement, old age, death. Or however it is rightly ordered in your mind. Firstly, we really have minimal to no control over most of these life stages. Some people make it look so easy but even then we don’t know the unvoiced struggles they face. These stages come and go as they please, like the wind or smoke, here for a second then gone the next. Trying to climb this ladder or make your life a calendar of events is asking to feel like a failure when you cannot hit one of these milestones or want to escape a certain stage at a desirable time, which is most usually now-ish. Not saying to just let life happen and never push back, but maybe (and this is to myself) to just let go of expectations of how things should be. To just practice acceptance with myself and others because we are all just learning and no one has it down regardless of what it looks like from the outside. Sometimes you start a path and somewhere along the way you get lost or decide you need to turn around or go another route. And thats ok. Really it is.
3. Life is too short for gender roles
I used to believe, that as a woman, I had a specific role in life and that my talents and gifts needed to be channeled into that role. I started my seminary degree in hopes of fulfilling the title of "pastor's wife" (would you believe that some schools actually have degrees and classes to educate a woman how to be a minister's wife?) I'll even admit that a small part of being a homemaker was driven by this belief, that this is what I should be doing as a good little wife of a seminary student aspiring to be in ministry someday (I also naturally yearned for balance and time with our children). This belief also made me hold back my opinions or gifts of leadership at times. (As a side note: this belief was not at all fostered by husband. Actually quite the opposite. He challenged me to step outside the box and to never hold back on my callings. Perhaps the way we fulfill our calling can and should change as we grow and learn more about ourselves. Our idea of what we wanted to do has radically changed since we started this journey but that story is too much to fit into this post.)
Now there's nothing wrong with pastor's wives, I happen to know several whom I admire. But there was something wrong with me aspiring to be that and nothing more. How stifling can roles be to our voices as women? We each have a unique story and gifting that needs to form our role in life, instead of trying to stuff those talents into the limitations of a title. If our identity is in God, not a role, then the possibilities of how we live out our passions and callings become endless.
4. See life through the eyes of a child
The kids love to frequent this little spray ground oasis downtown. We drive past it everyday and everyday they ask to go. We're lucky enough to be within walking distance of a few splash grounds like this one. I always look at as a good opportunity to sit and do nothing while the kids sit on the jets of water or run in circles like soaking wet maniacs. It's a good time for them and its free and easy for us parents. Cant get any better.
But the other day it did. As we were sitting there watching, a group of runners frolic by. One of them veers out of the group and runs right through the fountains. She’s screaming and giggling in stride with all the kids. She calls her other running buddies over and they all partake in the refresher, only a little more cautiously. My four year old comes over and points out, "Mom, there's grown ups playing in the water! ha!" he laughed and went right back to racing through the jets of water himself.
I smiled to myself as I continued to watch. I remembered for a split second how much fun water can be on a hot day. I let myself think back to being a kid, dancing through sprinklers or playing in the rain. "How do we grow up and just forget how to be like this?" I wondered. Kids just intuitively know how to appreciate the simpler things of life. They aren’t afraid to jump in and take full of advantage of life. So I tap John on the shoulder and grin, "Let's get in." I'm glad we didn't miss this opportunity to be a kid with our kids. These moments help alleviate the pressures of being a responsible adult all the stinking time.
So this is getting a bit windy, no? I thought "you weren't feeling inspired" you say? This brings to me to my final and probably hardest to live out lesson I want to practice in my encroaching years of adulthood:
5. Say "yes" more and don't worry about what people think
As a self proclaimed wall flower, I am usually more than happy to politely say "no, thank you" and to occupy the sidelines. But the other day it just hit me that I should say "yes" more. And not to things that weigh me down or distract me, but to things that can actually add variety and texture to life like new experiences or people or places. Not only do I want to say yes to these things, but I want to do more than just to merely brush the surface. I want to dive in when the opportunity presents itself, better yet I would like create opportunities to do just that.
Writing this blog was a big "yes" for me. It's something I've always wanted to do but just couldn't push past the excuses. It was a good exercise in letting go of fear or awkwardness and just giving it a shot. I practice this rhythm of letting go every time I sit down to write. The hardest part is just showing up. After that, the words just start flowing and I'm left wondering why I didn't start sooner. It seems like a lot of things in life are like that. We build them up in our head to be something scary or too difficult but when we actually follow through, its not as bad as we thought. At least that's what I tell my four year old about going to the dentist.
Thanks for showing up today :)
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