Dear Self,

Recently I happened across a blog post from a friend who I admire very much. She is a mama of 1, soon to be 2 boys, a creative graphic designer and an entrepreneurial spirit who seems to get it all done in a fashionable outfit on a minimal budget. The post was entitled “Quit your day job” and it is about the transition she is facing as she becomes a full time sahm/work from home mom. She says :

 I'm struggling with worrying how to juggle doing both. And do both well. But if you never try, then you'll never know, right? I'm either on the verge of something great, or a mental breakdown. 

 A little of both, I’m thinking. I love that line tho because it describes the season so well. I started to comment back because she asks for advice from seasoned sahm/wahm’s. As I started the reply, it got rather lengthy and exceeded a normal reply status. I think it has struck such a cord with me because for 1) I have been a sahm for the better part of 10 years (sometimes working, or going to school sometimes not) and 2) I am going to start a new job in 2 weeks. For the first time. In. ten. long. years.

Dont get me wrong, I loved being at home. The flexibility and the time with the kids and not missing a moment and the opportunity to go slow if one should so master how to do that. (I never did) What I didn’t like was the loneliness and the heaviness of the weight that often comes with the role and the fact that it feels like your very life depends on naptime. So I became a tad cynical. We all go through stages and I love that women are creatures who love to share and glean advice or perspective from each other. Here was what I would have posted on her comments section had it not been so long:

Congrats on the change of pace! I have always admired your creativity and tenacity and now it will be channeled into a new role for a season. It sounds as if you are realistic about the whole thing and that helps! One suggestion I wish I would have learned long ago is to carve out time for adult interaction outside your home throughout the day and even though it may feel like work dragging yourself and the two littles out, just do it. This is no longer built in to your schedule and if you are proactive about it , its something that adds up a little by little over time. (On the same note, don’t be afraid to actually stay at home when you or your kids need to and learn to know those times when you should not be out and about, no overdoing it!)

 Also carve out times for yourself to do nothing or invest in your creative habits and don’t feel guilty about it for one. single. second. Your family will be ok if you are ok. Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself if you mess up or if you can’t please everyone, including the children (which is not in the job description, btw). Accept help and don’t feel like because you don’t “work” you shouldn't need help. Rubbish. You actually probably need more help because you are always on duty.

Accept and expect imperfect results. Just because you have more time now (haha) doesn’t mean house duties and cooking will get done in an orderly fashion or done at all sometimes. Let yourself prioritize what the need of the moment is. Sometimes you need to sit alone while the kids entertain themselves or nap rather than do something productive. That’s ok. You aren’t a machine. No one is paying you to do the laundry but you will pay for being frazzled and overwhelmed.

Being a mother in any form is an overwhelming responsibility from which we will reap major rewards. Sometimes those rewards come in the form of a precious little smile or few words from your child that touches your heart because you know deep down they are so so grateful for you. Other rewards we won’t reap until they are grown. But stay the course, you are doing great.

Probably at the top of this long winded list would be to not lose yourself in your role. You are not only a mother. You are a woman, loved and treasured by God. Breathe that in every day. Most of this I need to hear myself, because mothering never ends no matter what else is going in life, it only morphs and changes shape as time goes on.

And that is the truth. these words are to myself. I need to extend the same grace to myself as I would to any other woman out there. I’m curious what advice or word of encouragement working mothers would add on how to make work and home jive together? Because really. We all need each other.