Whew. Last week's vacay left me slightly winded. Disney, Universal, and lots of being cooped up in the car with a couple of kids who are bored and hyper and tired and on a fun over load all at once.
This week a new school and work routine are underway. Lunches, backpacks, alarm clocks, along with the constant "you go here" and "don't forget to...." Plus all the ins and outs of learning a new job.
That's why I'm so thankful I have this place.
We moved here over the summer so it is still slightly fresh to us. Even tho it is more than a 100 years old. All of my thrift store treasures and well loved furniture fit right into this row house built in the 1800's. This is the first place I have lived that I feel like I picked out, instead of the other way around. I love it's uniqueness and charm. The skylight and fireplaces. It's old woodwork and even the vintage wallpaper is growing on me. There were some things I didn't love about it, but I was willing to compromise because of what stood out about the place. Of course, it still took some getting used to though.
For instance, it's right in the middle of a pretty busy urban area. At any given hour you can hear cars whizzing by, sirens, traffic signals, people interacting on the street, construction noise, loud music... Hustle and bustle. I remember the first night here staring wide eyed at the ceiling and fretting "what have we done? Ill never sleep again!"
You see, I love quiet.
But after a couple months of living here all of that has just become background noise now. I have found a new quiet. And after going away for a week and starting a job, I have a newfound appreciation for being home. I suppose absence does make the heart grow fonder. Let me explain.
As a sahm, I usually lived my life somewhere on the border of stir crazy and hermit. I had to make myself leave. When I get overly accustomed to something I start to notice all it's flaws and drawbacks. I start dwelling on all the negative things and what I can do to spruce those things up. Which usually compiles into a never ending to do list. If I should ever get to the end of that list, new projects will have arisen by the time I've crossed the last item off.
And after all the projects and DIY-ing, I ultimately conclude that I need to move somewhere else now because I have taken this place as far as I can take it with my minimal budget and renter status. (Don't get me wrong, moving has always been motivated by other less shallow factors but honestly somewhere in the deep recesses of my decor loving mind I'm saying "Yes! A blank canvas! This will fulfill all my craigslist and real estate website browsing desires!) All of this is partly because I love to be creative and feel like my home is art and partly because I can be a "things can never be good enough" perfectionist. Perfectionism breeds discontent and it is not a good place to call home. (I blame Pinterest. Don't we all?)
Don't get me wrong. I love all things that have to do with home. I love the all the blogs and shows and pins that are oriented toward decorating, designing and creating. I feed on them daily. I love to watch a house or a piece of furniture be restored. I love what a difference a coat paint can make. And to be perfectly honest, on vacation I binged on HGTV (a channel I don't get at home) every chance I got. Home design was one of my first loves, one of my first creative outlets. I even took a crack at design school once upon a time. But this is less about my knack for the aesthetically pleasing and more about what drives the habit of getting everything just right. Or what drives the tendency to look around and only pick out the negative.
Perfectionism usually focuses on the outside appearance of something without really assessing what's underneath. It makes us lose sight of what's really important while we try to maintain a front. It makes home less about safety and creating a hallowed resting place and more about the house itself. Perfectionism does not allow the freedom of home. We should be free at home, not pretending we are on an HGTV show (no matter how sweet that would be!) If we live this way will never be comfortable enough to really share our home with others in its natural state and we will miss out on a lot. We create and beautify to share with each other, not to keep it to ourselves.
Speaking of sharing, kids are really good at breaking in a house. They just live in it the way it supposed to be lived in. They even go a step further and see what unconventional things might be fun. My four year old has an obsession with peeing in the fireplace. Just don't ask. I have no answers for this. *Sigh* I promise you, have a kid in your house long enough and you won't even wince over company dropping crumbs on the carpet or squashing you're cute pillows from Pier1. You really won't.
Kids have taught me to love my space and use my space well. They have also helped me break my tendacy toward perfectionism in other areas of life and not just on the homestead. But that is another post for another time.
Another thing that helps rearrange my perspective on home is being a city dweller. It is a daily eye opener. I can't count all the cardboard signs and empty stares I drive by on my way to and from my nice temperature controlled space filled with people I love. I can't help but wonder what thier story is, what led them to this corner where they beg for handouts day in and day out. I wonder what it would feel like to not have the security of home. No where to shut out the noise of the world or to relax and feel safe. No where to gather around the table or curl under the covers at night. This makes me so grateful for what I do I have instead of pining for what I don't have. This makes me want to open my door and share my resources and my gifts even if I don't think they are perfect but simply because I have them.
Home has become a comfort because of all the reasons lurking underneath the decor. It's comforting because of its imperfections and not despite them. I've decided that not only can I make peace with imperfection but that it actually makes things more interesting and lovely in an unexpected sort of way.
I have been on the journey of creating home and finding balance with perfection for awhile now. It's something I have to constantly revisit it since I move often and just love to dabble in the art of making a home beautiful. I have followed the Nester for along time and was ecstatic when she released her book: The Nesting Place. I love that she posts undone and messy photos of her house in progress. I have adopted her mantra "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful" as my own. I highly recommend reading any of her writing to anyone who can relate to what's been said in this post.
What are some of your favorite things about home? Are there other creatives who have trouble sharing your gifts or creations because you feel it's not perfect? Maybe it's not your home but another area where you have impossibly high standards? Just something to think about.
Thanks for reading today :)
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