Dear Self,

Recently I happened across a blog post from a friend who I admire very much. She is a mama of 1, soon to be 2 boys, a creative graphic designer and an entrepreneurial spirit who seems to get it all done in a fashionable outfit on a minimal budget. The post was entitled “Quit your day job” and it is about the transition she is facing as she becomes a full time sahm/work from home mom. She says :

 I'm struggling with worrying how to juggle doing both. And do both well. But if you never try, then you'll never know, right? I'm either on the verge of something great, or a mental breakdown. 

 A little of both, I’m thinking. I love that line tho because it describes the season so well. I started to comment back because she asks for advice from seasoned sahm/wahm’s. As I started the reply, it got rather lengthy and exceeded a normal reply status. I think it has struck such a cord with me because for 1) I have been a sahm for the better part of 10 years (sometimes working, or going to school sometimes not) and 2) I am going to start a new job in 2 weeks. For the first time. In. ten. long. years.

Dont get me wrong, I loved being at home. The flexibility and the time with the kids and not missing a moment and the opportunity to go slow if one should so master how to do that. (I never did) What I didn’t like was the loneliness and the heaviness of the weight that often comes with the role and the fact that it feels like your very life depends on naptime. So I became a tad cynical. We all go through stages and I love that women are creatures who love to share and glean advice or perspective from each other. Here was what I would have posted on her comments section had it not been so long:

Congrats on the change of pace! I have always admired your creativity and tenacity and now it will be channeled into a new role for a season. It sounds as if you are realistic about the whole thing and that helps! One suggestion I wish I would have learned long ago is to carve out time for adult interaction outside your home throughout the day and even though it may feel like work dragging yourself and the two littles out, just do it. This is no longer built in to your schedule and if you are proactive about it , its something that adds up a little by little over time. (On the same note, don’t be afraid to actually stay at home when you or your kids need to and learn to know those times when you should not be out and about, no overdoing it!)

 Also carve out times for yourself to do nothing or invest in your creative habits and don’t feel guilty about it for one. single. second. Your family will be ok if you are ok. Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself if you mess up or if you can’t please everyone, including the children (which is not in the job description, btw). Accept help and don’t feel like because you don’t “work” you shouldn't need help. Rubbish. You actually probably need more help because you are always on duty.

Accept and expect imperfect results. Just because you have more time now (haha) doesn’t mean house duties and cooking will get done in an orderly fashion or done at all sometimes. Let yourself prioritize what the need of the moment is. Sometimes you need to sit alone while the kids entertain themselves or nap rather than do something productive. That’s ok. You aren’t a machine. No one is paying you to do the laundry but you will pay for being frazzled and overwhelmed.

Being a mother in any form is an overwhelming responsibility from which we will reap major rewards. Sometimes those rewards come in the form of a precious little smile or few words from your child that touches your heart because you know deep down they are so so grateful for you. Other rewards we won’t reap until they are grown. But stay the course, you are doing great.

Probably at the top of this long winded list would be to not lose yourself in your role. You are not only a mother. You are a woman, loved and treasured by God. Breathe that in every day. Most of this I need to hear myself, because mothering never ends no matter what else is going in life, it only morphs and changes shape as time goes on.

And that is the truth. these words are to myself. I need to extend the same grace to myself as I would to any other woman out there. I’m curious what advice or word of encouragement working mothers would add on how to make work and home jive together? Because really. We all need each other.

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Why this blog

Bird was my nickname growing up. No one calls me this anymore, except for my loving sister every once in a while. When she does though, it reminds me of a little girl living in simpler times. Simpler times and less thoughts. Maybe not less thoughts, but at least less complicated thoughts. Life was so easy then. How I wish I could go back. But then I think of all the growing up that went on between now and then, plus the growing up I still have to do. No. I wouldn't go back. Simpler thoughts and people to share them with would be nice though. I think that is the point of this blog.

I say "I think" because I really haven't found a niche yet. Abundant sources from around the web say you need a niche to start a blog and attract audiences. Well that's great if you know your niche, but what if you are a niche dabbler? What if you are too afraid to commit to a certain niche for fear you wont be good enough at it or like it enough? Well that's me. I love all forms of creativity: cooking, crafting, designing, diy-ing, organizing, painting, drawing, on and on the list could go. 

I do like to write though. About anything really. Introvert that I am, it comes much easier than talking. I have volumes of journals that I dreamed would one day turn into the topic of a long, deep conversation. Usually not. Fellow introverts, I'm sure you understand. Writing helps me untangle the weirdly intricate web of thoughts in my brain. It helps me zoom out so I can see the situation from afar. It helps me cope. Or celebrate. Or say what I really wanted to say but didn't. 

So if this is my intro post, this is one thing I hope I can accomplish with this blog: to just write honestly about my life and encourage others to engage in the same way. Because let's be honest, what is more interesting than to read words from someone who is transparent and vulnerable and gives us the courage to be the same. I know several that have done that for me and in turn I want to be that kind of writer. 

This may be a lofty goal, because lets face it: a lot of self editing goes into blogging. Maybe some thoughts should be edited (?), other things need to be boldly owned up to. The trick is to know the difference. And I'm sure I don't know the difference because this is my first blog. Ever. So bear with me and let's be as honest as this introvert can handle.

Oh and another thing. I'm not very good at concluding my writing or making it a complete thought. I like to think of it the same way you would think of an open ended question. The answer is not yes or no, its more complicated than that. Sometimes writing makes things messier than it was to begin with, because it digs up issues and just leaves them there on the table. Sometimes there aren't enough words to sort things out. Sometimes I have no frame of reference from which to draw a conclusion. So I don't. I just leave it there. Kind of like the junk drawer or that pile of papers you just don't ever sort through. I wont come back to it until I'm looking for something or until were moving and someone comes along and makes me deal with it. 

That's what is missing from my journal pages. No one holds me accountable or gives me feedback. I just write and write and hope I'm right. I hope this writing will be different. I hope it will start conversations or at the very least get the wheels turning. There's no greater compliment to me than when someone says, "something you said just got to me..just made me think about that differently.. just inspired me." 

Words are powerful, friends.