Having said that, the week before last was by far the hardest week of the whole bed rest experience. So much to the point that I didn't even realize I was almost in the clear. Any parent with young ones can testify to the havoc an entire week of snow days and going absolutely nowhere can wreak on your mental health. I saw many a desperate cry on my facebook feed. In the beginning of the week I was honestly thinking I would enjoy the company. And I did. At first. I even thought I would be writing a post on togetherness and family and the joys of being forced to live in such close proximity for a week. By the end of the week, those thoughts had all but vanished. It was not pretty. Suffice it to say, that everyone lived and we all just needed a break from each other and some time out of the house.
Reflecting on that week reminded me of when I first moved here and was feeling isolated and down, stuck in the house not having many friends in a new place. That was only 2 short years ago. Only this time, I was so glad that I have a friend that I can call when I'm desperate. One who comes over and just talks for an hour when I'm on the verge of cracking. Thankfully by the weekend the weather permitted us to go to church and then to the indoor flea market and craft store. This little outing was such necessary medicine. It didn't matter what the sermon was about or that it was still only about 10 degrees outside. The simple act of connecting with other people and investing a few hours in myself saved my sanity. I think of all the trouble I could have saved myself if I would have called her sooner than later, after I had reached my limit. I have a bad habit of letting seclusion sneak upon me.
It's sort of ironic that I've spent my evenings contemplating this new book The Fringe Hours by Jessica N. Turner. It is packed with practical wisdom and great reminders for anyone in a busy season of life. It is about making room in your day to day life for doing things that make you feel whole and set your priorities in a way that you can ultimately be a more fulfilled as a person. (I have to admit I feel a little lazy as the author says she gets up at 5 am to make time for herself, reading, praying, exercising and what not. I am just not a crack of dawn person and I'm o.k. with that.) The idea behind the book is finding what she calls "fringe hours" that work for your own lifestyle so that you can fit in the things that bring you joy whether it be a hobby or some other thing that fills your soul. Her premises is that if you want to do something bad enough you will make time for it. You will find creative solutions, you will overcome any obstacles in your path and banish the excuses. You will just do it.
Moral of the story: even a week of snow days is not a good excuse to slip on self care, even though you can't leave and everyone else you are stuck with wants your attention because they are dying of boredom and hunger and boredom.
As much as I want to believe no excuse is good enough, I have not found this to be easy in my own life as a young mom where some days it's a struggle to simply take a shower or sit down through an entire meal. I mean if I can barely meet the minimum requirements of sleeping, eating and bathing how can I have time to add any thing else? During these seasons of life you just sort of adapt and step into survival mode and may not really notice that you are missing out on much until it catches up to you. Depending on how good you can cope or your expectations of life, this can take days, months or even years. Overlooking yourself can continue past the busy season and creating extra things for yourself to be busied by becomes habit. By that time, backtracking can be pretty difficult. We don't know what the best version of ourselves looks like anymore. We're o.k. with how things are even if things aren't great, even if we never have time to breathe. We wouldn't know how to enjoy ourselves and have no idea what our passions might be if we were given a chance to practice them.
Probably, the biggest take away from this book was that I am the only one who can make time for myself, no one else is going to do it for me. There are some women I know who actually schedule things. I am more spontaneous and that doesn't always mesh well with caring for myself. I think, "I will do this thing if I get around to it." More often than not, I don't get around to it. So if that thing is something that I need, like a chat with a friend or fulfilling the desire to create, or to read a book or be passionate about something, I find myself moping through a life that is all work and no play. Those things are the easiest to push out of our schedules but doing so is not free of consequence like we often think.
If you are a skeptic and thinking, "well, that sounds wonderful but not realistic especially at this time in my life" or "I can get by without self care" trust me, I understand and have thought the same. Here's the thing, we will always have problems and face tension in life no matter how self disciplined we are with our time and making sure we allot enough of it for own our well being. This thing can become an unrealistic goal for sure if we let it. Some seasons of life are busier or more difficult than others. However, does that mean we should settle for survival mode and culture's idea of glorified busyness? And if that wasn't enough, those of us in the church culture are constantly being called upon to serve and sacrifice and lay down our life. Realizing that we will have nothing to give without making a few a deposits in the bank helps balance that calling out. Think about Jesus sneaking away from the crowds to pray or the times he spent eating and talking with just His close friends. He practiced good boundaries for sure. I am certainly no expert on the subject, just an honest person who was forced to stop in the throes of her own busyness and wondering how to achieve this balance when life picks back up.
Some one please remind me of this in about 2 or 3 months when I am holding a new born who consumes every last minute of my day. Btw I used to LOVE that my kids consume all my time (in case this is starting to sound at all selfish) but yet that's kind of how I always ended up in survival mode in the first place. It's just not healthy. I can say that guilt free at this point in my journey but can easily remember a time when I couldn't. You're still a servant, a good mom/dad/employee/whatever if you're entire being does not revolve around this one role in life leaving you to eek by. I promise. In fact, you are probably better off for it and are more effective at whatever role you're trying to fulfill. And you will be heck of a lot happier too :)
If you are interested in reading more about the Fringe Hours make sure you visit fringehours.com for great resources and here is a short interview with the author
I had to include this applicable post on Hands Free Mama about mothering yourself The Kind of Mothering We All Need (side note: if the title didn't give it away, this is not just for moms)
I also want you to know that I am sitting on the couch with a movie on at 8 a.m., the dawn of yet another snow day. So, don't worry, I'll have plenty of time to practice what I preach.
Do something you love today so you can be present with the people you love. Find some time for prayer or mediation, savor a cup of coffee or a meal or a conversation, paint a picture, read a book, go for a walk, whatever it might be: find your fringe.
Thanks for being here today,
Jenna
