Scars

We all have them. 

I've acquired several new ones during my bout with sickness. 

We define them as a mark left by a healed wound...

When we catch a glimpse of our scars some are meaningless and we may not even be sure where or how we acquired them. But if the wound was deep enough, even though technically healing has occurred, sometimes scars still cause pain. I have little x's on my sides where tubes were inserted to drain the fluid out of my lungs; these x's cause searing pain on some days, it hurts to breathe during these episodes. I have scars on my neck and my arms, my chest and fingers. "Battle wounds" I've heard people call them. Some may fade over time but others will be permanent. Becoming accustomed to my scars and learning to see them in a different light will be part of my journey as I continue to heal both physically and inwardly.

However, our souls tend to heal much slower than our flesh.

Because the figurative scars, the ones that don't show up in the mirror, can often hurt just as bad, if not worse, than physical ones. Sometimes they are relentless, they linger, they cause inexpressible pain in the deepest parts of our beings. Some may be self inflicted, others we didn't ask for. We can try to numb or ignore these scars, hope they heal in time, but I'm not sure they always do heal. Some scars run so deep we may carry them with us indefinitely. Our memory flashes like scenes from a horror movie when we are alone or when they are triggered in certain ways. We pray for the hurt to stop and often the answer is: grace is sufficient.

We teach our children not to stare or ask questions to just keep walking when we encounter people who look a little different. I've had to deal with that in public and I'm bothered by the fact that I'm bothered. 

I don't think I'll ever look at people in wheelchairs the same. People with limitations. People with disfigured appearances. People with scars. 

Instead of quickly averting my eyes and pretending there's no pain in the world I'll ask myself, "What is thier story? What scars can't I see?" 

And maybe we should be asking that of all people. The rude people, the insensitive or impatient people. The prejudice ones, the addicted ones, the ones who are screaming for acceptance. The quiet ones who don't step on toes, the perfectionist, the ones who work to earn thier worth. 

"What scars are you suffering from?"

So where does that leave us? 

I don't pretend to have easy answers but I suppose it's a little like accepting outward scars. We learn to see them differently. We learn they don't define who we are and we learn to define beauty much differently. We trust in a God who makes all things beautiful in His time. The one who walked this earth and felt our pain and has the scars to prove it. 

I believe freedom can come despite our scars. It's hard not to be consumed by our outward appearance in this world and it's even harder to bear our soul scars. These days, I'm learning to check my heart more than I check the mirror.

Thanks for reading today,

Jenna