Here's to 10 years

Ten years ago on our wedding day...

I was nervous, excited, a little unsure about how we would make it all work, especially after the night before. I don't think I had slept or ate in the previous 48 hours. All the wedding preparations had us fighting over something petty. I have always said if I were to do it again, it would be just me and you and the officiate, maybe a few friends and family in some beautiful clearing out in the forest. It would be simple. 

Nonetheless it was a lovely ceremony and once I walked down the aisle and my dad lifted the veil, I looked deep into your blue eyes and knew: "we are going to be ok"

Still to this day, I think about our late night conversations. Sometimes we would drive around for hours just to be together and talk. Sometimes we would sit on the porch of my moms house. We mostly talked about our experiences with God. I had grown up in church and you were a few years into your surrender with God. We we were pretty different in our beliefs but mostly I remember grasping grace for the first time. I grappled with the idea that I could neither earn Gods love or lose it. Not only did you talk a lot about this love, you fleshed it out in the way you accepted me, the way you accepted my daughter. 

That's how I knew we would be ok. Now I was not naive. I was no stranger to dysfunctional relationships and we both came from divorced families. We regularly got on each other nerves before we were even a couple. I felt like I was standing on the precipice of a huge cliff, the view both terrifying and breathtaking at the same time. I knew if we jumped there was no turning back; but for once I was ok with that.

I knew that if we leaned into this grace and practiced it regularly with each other we would be ok. 

Fast forward ten years later:

I knew you would be an incredible father to our 3 crazy kids. 

I knew you work hard at what ever job you had whether or not it was your dream job. 

I knew you would be a servant and put my needs before your own. 

I also was sure we would fight and pout and have to  apologize for a thousand ugly words or attitudes. We would have plenty of opportunities to practice forgiveness. 

I knew we would face hard times not only relationally but financially, physically and spiritually.  

It didn't surprise me that  you would be the kind of husband who would spend every night sleeping in a waiting room for a month when I was in the ICU. Then spend another two months sleeping in the most ridiculously uncomfortable recliner next to my hospital bed. 

This last season of our life has been trying to say the least. However I have joy in the fact that we made it through in one piece and that God is continually healing us both together. 

Words can't express, though I did attempt it.

Here's to 10 years and 10 more and as much time as were allowed together. 

Love always,

Jenna