There was one miraculous morning that I woke up before the kids. I wasn't feeling quite well enough to settle back in after the baby's early morning feeding so I stumbled down the stairs for some tea and tylenol. I had every intention in going back to bed, After rummaging through our lacking medicine inventory and discovering there was only caffeinated tea I reluctantly decided to just stay awake. I think about the computer sitting there silently inviting me to type, knowing full well it takes several of these mornings to actually put together a blog post.
You see, I've never been a morning person. I have always wanted to be one, make plans to be one, used to feel guilty because I just wasn't one. Living in a sleep deprived state does not help matters much. Just because I am awake doesn't mean I am "awake" a.k.a. "productive". As long as I'm in my pjs, I am probably just doing the bare necessities of flitting around the kitchen to fetch assorted breakfast items and trying to get the littlest boy down for a morning nap a.k.a the 20-40 minutes I could spend putting myself together but probably wont on most days)
There's a timeline for not getting dressed and it looks something like this:
8 am
Me: I am all comfy and warm, plenty of people do breakfast in pjs, Ill just ease into the day...
Kids: I'm hungry!/thirsty!/lonely/tired/bored/need you to listen to my dream I had last night about flying over the edge of the water slide at Kings Island
The baby is crying!! Mom, I think he is hungry tired wet dirty gassy and wants to be carried everywhere while you do things with one hand *maybe* he will take a nap
Will you make pancakes!?
9 am
Me: I could get dressed now but wait there's no clean clothes or towels or time to shower or pick out a top AND a bottom. I should really start some laundry...
MOM!!!!! Come fix the tv/find my toy/watch me go to the bathroom/help me reach this or that
The bathroom floor is wet!
I cant find my toothbrush'
Watch this!!!! Mom watch! Mom watch!
Can I have cookies for breakfast?
The baby's crying! see above for analysis
10 am: ughhh nothing I have fits. I can't nurse/bend over/ sit comfortably/clean the toilet/ be 31 and wear this... maybe I should just wear sweatpants/yoga pants/tights with a long tshirt/flannel/sweatshirt. Why am I changing again? That's essentially what I'm already wearing
"Mom, can you help me with pre-algebra?"
"Joel's crying!!"
"Jayda / Jaren hurt me/said something mean/made a face/breathed in my general direction!!!"
"I spilled something!!!!!!!!!"
"I need _____" fill in the blank with any possible word that may or may not make sense within the context
11 am: Am I going to leave the house today? Have I been puked on, peed on, or was this shirt used as a napkin yet? If so, how many times? Just once or twice? under five times? Maybe its not that bad...
I'm hungry! Lets make pancakes!!
"I need _______."
"Can we go to the library/museum/store/park/cousins house/anywhere but here???"
"Joels crying!"
"When will dad be home?"
"Why are you so stressed??"
"Can I listen to Itunes?"
"I dont feel good Mommy"
"Can I be a shark for Halloween?"
"Can I be a shark now? Lets just make a shark costume NOW!!"
Noon:
Ok its lunch time if I change now the aforementioned will probably just happen, I may as well just wait. and I can probably wait until tonight to run whatever errand I am attempting to do with kids because I can't even get dressed so why venture out in public? I'll just put on sweatpants/yoga pants/tights with a long tshirt/flannel/sweatshirt. Oh shoot, forgot to start laundry... start back at 9 am
You get the point.
Hopefully those of you at home all day experience the same. ((Please say you do!))
Now the fact that we are at junction in seasons it becomes even more complicated. I was pregnant last fall and didn't buy any new non maternity clothes, the clothes from the winter season prior to that still. don't. quite. fit. *deep breath* and they may not ever fit again.
That's ok, its worth it. It's all worth it, That's what we moms say when we feel a little guilty for complaining or even just being real. But it's true, its true, its true. We may even say that to remind ourselves.
The long days where we don't/can't get dressed.
The long nights of interrupted sleep that end in early mornings.
The conversations in the grocery store parking lot that seem like merry go rounds as we try to understand each other.
The 11 hour waits in the emergency room.
The rounds of stomach bugs and loads of laundry that go along with it.
The delayed blog posts or meals or conversations or dreams.
I tend to forget our family is our training ground for out there. Inside our walls is a place where it is safe to be yourself, to explore new ideas, to fail, to fight, to be passionate, to be at rest. I forget that I am creating this safe haven every time I go through the motions of another day. I forget I am planting seeds that will sprout into character and laying the foundations that will hold their values in place long after they move out. I forget that I am creating a space and a refuge that they will always come back to.
Then there are good days, Days where we laugh and play and hike in the woods. Days where we are all healthy and rested and getting along and living out what we know to be important. There are days when it just works, I haven't yet figured out a formula to make one of these days happen yet. They seem to come right when we need them, right when we are on the brink of giving up. These are the days that make us say "it's all worth it."
